


and darling, i'm lost

by thimble



Series: SASO 2017 [29]
Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Alternate Universe - Pacific Rim Fusion, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-08
Updated: 2017-10-08
Packaged: 2019-01-10 19:06:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12305733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thimble/pseuds/thimble
Summary: Tatsuya and Shuu, finally fighting the hurricane.





	and darling, i'm lost

**Author's Note:**

> written for [these](https://sportsanime.dreamwidth.org/22249.html?thread=11644393#cmt11644393) prompts.

Here's the thing.   
  
Shuuzo's father, esteemed and renowned for being one of the best rangers of his generation, dies in a fight three days before Shuuzou was supposed to be assigned his first partner. The details are important — it was a long, valiant struggle against a Category IV, Nijimura Sr.'s partner, who was on the verge of retirement, survived but he didn't, and thousands of lives were saved — but in the moment, in this one, small, insignificant moment that didn't fit in the grand scheme of things, none of that mattered. All that Tatsuya could think about was how a hero he used to pass in the halls before he graduated and watched on TV before he enlisted, a constant and unwavering figure in the war, and Shuuzou's father, was now a martyr, fallen in battle like so many others before him. Tatsuya's a soldier, and logically he knows that this was always a possible outcome everytime pilots were sent out, but it had never hit so close to home, had never been someone knew somewhat directly, and he should be thinking he's lucky in that regard but the running thought in his mind isn't about himself, unselfish, for once, because his heart is pounding to the beat of the syllables  _I have to find him._  
  
But the marshall finds him first, and here's the real kicker.  
  
He wants Tatsuya to pilot beside Shuuzou.   
  
Tatsuya bites down the immediate protest on his tongue; both of them know that Shuuzou's first partner was supposed to be his father. It wasn't officially announced yet, but Shuuzou had been training for it and everyone in the Shatterdome thought it was a matter of succession, so how is Tatsuya the solution? How is he expected fill such impossible shoes?   
  
"You're his best friend," says the marshall, and in Tatsuya's ears it sounds like what it truly is:  _you're the next best thing._  "The deeper the bond—"  
  
"—the better you fight," finishes Tatsuya, angry and paranoid but mostly resigned, because he can't go against orders before he's even been deployed. He's led down the corridors to the room where Shuuzou is, and based on the look on Shuuzou's face when he sees Tatsuya, he's already been told. Tatsuya has never felt more sorry to be himself, in all his inadequate glory.   
  
He won't say that, though, but he doesn't know what else to say, so he waits for Shuuzou to speak instead. Shuuzou, with his eyes red-rimmed and his knuckles bruised, regards Tatsuya for a long moment, grief and disbelief and hesitation filling the silence, submerging them both. Finally, with his voice hoarse, Shuuzou asks, "do you trust me?"  
  
Tatsuya doesn't understand the question at first, overcomplicating it as it comes out. Does he think Shuuzou is incapable of piloting anytime soon? (No, Shuuzou is stronger than that, stronger than even this.) Does Shuuzou doubt Tatsuya's faith in him? (He hopes not; he had been proud of Shuuzou for being deemed ready to pilot and he still is.) Is Shuuzou asking Tatsuya to give him everything he has to offer, right there and then? (Is Tatsuya even ready for that?)  
  
In the end, he stops turning it over in his mind and the answer lays itself out, plain and simple: no matter what the circumstances, no matter what the world throws at them, no matter what Shuuzou is going through, it will always be a resolute, "yes."  
  
Shuuzou nods, once, in acceptance, like it still isn't the best thing, not to hurt Tatsuya, but just because it isn't and he's in no mood to pretend. "Good enough for me."

 

* * *

 

Here's the thing.   
  
There's not one part of Tatsuya that isn't suited to becoming a jaeger pilot. He has strength in spades, has the guts, has the determination, has the ability to think on his feet out on the field. They call it battle sense; he calls it instinct, honed from picking too many fights when he was younger with bigger kids. It doesn't show on his face so people have a hard time believing it, but he can take a punch and can definitely retaliate with a stronger one. But this is the 21st century, and more than the part of him that's a soldier, Tatsuya has it in him to perform as a  _celebrity_  too. He has the features for it, camera-ready at every opportunity, and he has the charm and the right answers to fend interviews off or reel them in for a better scoop. It's not why he enlisted, far from it, but he thinks it an amusing perk to be gifted an action figure of himself at a celebration honoring the anniversary of their first victory.   
  
So Tatsuya has no problem with the socializing, the drinking, the laughing on cue, but here's the kicker: Shuuzou  _does._  
  
They're partners, and technically this is for both of them so they should be standing here, together, suffering and enjoying the attention in equal measure, but the second Tatsuya turns his back to pose for a picture, Shuuzou seems to vanish in the flash. It takes half an hour to extract himself from the festivities, and a good quarter hour to actually find where Shuuzou's run off to, but he turns out to be in the most obvious place, so obvious Tatsuya didn't think to look there first.   
  
Tatsuya, from several stories up, sees him on the ground floor, propped up against the foot of their jaeger, either nursing a drink or trying to fall asleep. The scenario isn't particularly romantic, but still Tatsuya is reminded of a balcony and a leading man too busy napping to perform his part.  
  
"Romeo, Romeo," he calls out, trying not to laugh and failing, "wherefore art thou, Romeo?"  
  
Shuuzo rises to attention, his characteristic glare somehow still working from so far away. "Go back inside, Tatsuya." His drunk voice reverberates (the Shatterdome has excellent acoustics) and Tatsuya is struck with the need to hear it quieter, up close.   
  
"I don't think I will," he sing-songs, already withdrawing from where he is. "Stay there. I'm coming down." Not that he thinks Shuuzuo is going anywhere, in that state of his.   
  
When he's finally on the ground floor too, Shuuzou seems more awake, powered by righteous anger or something similar. "What're you doing? It's your party."  
  
"It's  _our_  party," corrects Tatsuya, swiping the bottle from Shuuzou's hands and taking a swig as he sits beside him. "Felt kind of pointless without you, Shuu."  
  
Shuuzou makes a noise that sounds suspiciously like 'tch,' like he's from an anime or something. "You know that's not my scene." Even in the dim lighting, he's flushed past the collar of shirt. Tatsuya can't be certain if it's just the alcohol's doing, which is why he keeps his hands to himself, stopping them from wandering over to Shuuzou's jaw to tilt his face towards him, or — somewhere more dangerous.   
  
"I know," he says, leaning against Shuu's shoulder instead, not wholly comfortable but snug enough. "That's why I'm here."  
  
Shuuzou makes the noise again; Tatsuya laughs, again, and hands the bottle back to him. It's no grand celebration, and there no crowds or congratulations, but Tatsuya prefers it like this, right here, the two of them alone in the relative darkness and the near-silence, pretending they're in the Drift.  
  
(Neither of them speak anymore, like they're reading each other's minds, so maybe they already are, so that's good enough for him.)

 

* * *

 

Here's the thing.   
  
He and Tatsuya have been piloting together for more than a year now, and have been friends for even longer, so he doesn't have a damn clue how Tatsuya's managed to keep all sorts of mysteries from him, even in the Drift where everything should be laid bare. They're nothing too big, nothing that will hamper their mission or endanger their connection — which somehow makes it even more infuriating, because if they really were that big of a deal, he'd understand why Tatsuya would keep them from him. Instead, they're little white lies, secrets Tatsuya tells to smooth things over or throw Shuuzou offguard, the way he hid what he got Shuuzou for his birthday in their room and in his mind as if it were simple and not an obstacle course he's had to overcome to make certain Shuuzou didn't hear a lick of it while they were connected. It's unfair, Shuuzou will insist, because he doesn't even remotely have the same control over his mind the way Tatsuya does. He can't keep himself from thinking certain things in Tatsuya's presence, like the time he'd accidentally, unfortunately, revealed his first thoughts upon meeting Tatsuya ( _"how is he so fucking beautiful?"_ ) and had Tatsuya laughing for weeks.   
  
It's unfair, because here's the kicker: he's pretty sure he's in love with Tatsuya, and even with the cheat sheet the Drift provides, he has no way of knowing if Tatsuya is in love with him. Like peeling paint, revealing layers upon layers of colors underneath, or like something his sister once asked that he had no answer for and still doesn't ("how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?"), Tatsuya has too many walls surrounding him that Shuuzou can't even begin to consider unraveling him to the core. The prospect is as tempting as it is terrifying, because maybe that's just the way Tatsuya's built: to be as infuriating and mysterious as possible to Shuuzou, personally.   
  
And he is just so goddamn tired.   
  
It's been more than a year of dancing around truths, of little moments blown up to something big in the flashback screen of Shuuzou's memories, and he can't help that it's been on the brain for this long, this fervently, that it spills over slightly when they're in the midst of battle. It's not jarring enough to be distracting, he's more trained than that, but the clarity of it is so vivid in their shared consciousness that it's enough for him to regret.   
  
Tatsuya, unsurprisingly, has no visible or audible reactions to the fact, his concentration as faithful as ever, unlike Shuuzoi's traitorous brain. Thankfully, the slip-up is forgotten until the after the kaiju's been defeated, the visor of their jaeger smeared with vibrant blue blood, blocking the view of the outside world and painting the interior of the cockpit in blue.   
  
Like they're underwater, or a more tangible manifestation of the Drift. It's then, and only then, that Tatsuya finally opens his mind to Shuuzou's completely, right before unstrapping himself from his post and removing his helmet to flash Shuuzou an unfairly dazzling grin.   
  
"Shuu," he says, stepping closer to remove Shuuzou's helmet for him, too. "You could've just asked."   
  
"Knowing you, you would've had me spinning in cir—"   
  
He doesn't get to finish the thought because Tatsuya's mouth is suddenly pressed to his own, soft and warm and wet — and is that his  _tongue?_  — and though they're no longer in the Drift and Tatsuya isn't communicating with words, Shuuzou decides that yeah, this answer... this confession, because what else could it be? is good enough for now.

 

 


End file.
